for beside the dolly sailor, i'm to voyage and explore, to land upon the island where no dolly was before.. reach into every black hole i seem to know.. and to fire the penny cannon in the bow...  and when 'the vessel goes a divie-divie dive' '= your bed is little boat; nurse helps you in when you embark

in an interview the artist man ray was once asked what satisfied him most in life, looking back on it.  man thought for a
few seconds then said: "women."  he created the best of his work when his possibly most inspiring muse, lee miller left
him. he wrote to her: "accounts never balance one never pays enough etc. etc. love Man"
he also dedicated the following poem to her [although he possibly killed her many
times over in his mind as well as in his art, in outrage]:


with an eye always in reserve
material indestructible...
forever being put away
taken for a ride...
put on the spot...
the racket must go on --
I am always in reserve

Above painting by Man Ray
"La Fortune/ Chance" (1938)

I stretched the canvas

"hi. this is angyal. please leave a message. thx.
// after the tone, please leave your voice
message. when you are done leaving your
voice message, please press  star
or just hang up.// [beep]
'angyal, this is john cage.. i believe we have
met once. i just wanted to say hello and tell
you that Food,
       one assumes,          provides nourishment;
           but Americans eat it fully aware that 
small amounts of poison have been added     to 
improve its appearance     and delay its 
putrefaction.              None of us wants cancer or
skin diseases,          but there are those who tell
us     that’s how we get them.               It’s hard
to tell,           come february,           whether 
we’re celebrating carnival      or 
whether American business has  simply  pulled  the
 wool  over  our  eyes.
anyways.. i hope you are well. i am
leaving no call back number so, be well, ok?
and don't go pick mushrooms. it's too early. bye.'
[beep] [click]. what in the world..."    

"leif? it's me.."
"everything okay?"
"she is gone.."
"what do you mean she is gone?"
"she is gone. listen to this:
angyal - for surely it must be you
who gets here to my rescue first. listen:
every time a message came from you
(and there were a number of them),
and i knew just as you did, towards
the end, that i was not going to respond,
you were saving lives. for that is how & why
i decided to leave the city. i am going
south. chances are: out of the bathtub
onto a beach i shall arrive. meet me there.
goodbye. - ab ... i found it on her door
step, under three oranges. they are all
rock-hard frozen."
".. are you okay?"
"doesn't this remind you of something?
or someone?"
"angyal, not now. not while you are standing
there outside, in the cold..."
"you are right. i will talk to you later.
she left a key, so i am going inside. stay
warm..."
"angyal, wait..."
[click]

[where are you, beszterczey? can we start playing again?
// i give up.

don't give up! never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -
i give up.
...
what are you doing, beszterczey? are you here? [y/n] > y
yes. ready to play new game 'game of life' ?
READY.
ok.

'welcome to new game 'game of life', chance. i was counting on you to make it here.
this game has two objectives: 1. to create more living cells; and 2. to save me;

objective '1' is based on operations related to connections. if a dark cell  (previously
called 'square') is surrounded by another 2 or 3 dark cells, it becomes a 'living cell';
the more of these you create, the more viable our system will be. // recall: i am your
systems' operator

dark cells surrounded by ! 2 or 3 dark cells are 'dead cells'. they weaken my viability;

objective '2' is based on operations related to saving me. if this game ends with a letter
producing a viable system that correlates to game objective objective '1', you win but
i end. if this game ends with a different letter, you save me, but under a different name;
// recall: i am now called 'beszterczey' or 'ab'

letters are drawn from the english alphabet, which is twenty-six letters.
making connections with more (rather than fewer) letters gives you extra credit points
and enhances the probability of you and the system's final win. fewer letters are better
for my chances of survival.

so far, you have created one new letter and the system gained another 2 living cells.
congratulations! we have equal chances of winning and a healthy level of viability.
all is well and we are at a draw - great! but we need to move on. so:

// at the end of each move, i have added an extra assignment that gives you options
here is the first:

if you created 'dark cell_17' rather that 'dark cell_18'  you would have had the exact
same outcome but a different letter.
would you like to move onto and create 'dark cell_17' from here? [y/n] > Y.

ok.

// back tomorrow.

thank you for playing new game 'game of life', chance.          this game is strictly time-constrained.
every new move happens on a new day. this is called the 'new day, new move' (n2dm) method.
daily motion depends on a 'path' chosen in the 2X3 space of the grid between char myChar = 'x'
and char myChar = 'y'. starting point was and will always be day a* (/ 'dark cell_10'). daily motion
'path' could happen as randomly as you want. however, since letters are defined by certain number
strings, there is an order-constraint on the strings that can create a meaningful letter (i.e., one to
be found in our set of 26). if a string is broken, previously dark cells may fade into green.

goodbye. see you tomorrow.
day a* ends.]

OK... SEE YOU ON 17...

[what have you been up to, beszterczey? how have you rested today?
// i give up...

why are you saying this again?
i give up...

are you here, beszterczey? <y/n> y.
yes. ready to play new game 'game of life' ?
READY.
ok.

'welcome back to new game 'game of life', chance. this is the second day of the game.
congratulations! you have gained a new letter and created more viable dark cells. the
system is healthy and viable. operation '1' has been working in favor of you and the
system's ultimate win.

what would you like to do next?
1. make next move
2. ask a question

> 2
ok.

during a session, you have 3 questions to ask.
what would you like to do?
1. ask one question
2. ask two questions
3. ask three questions

> 2
ok. list your questions. call them 'que_1' & 'que_2'. i will respond in the order of asking.

que_1: where are you, beszterczey? what the hell is going on?
i give up...
'que_2': can i delete my last move onto 'dark cell_17'? i made an error.
yes. you can delete a move but you lose credit points and you letter will be lost. the system'
s viability also suffers.

i am glad you ask this question! i expected it. whenever you ask a question that i expected,
you win bonuses. they will be important towards the end of the game.
this game allows you to take move backs. however, you are risking the system's viability; you
lose time; and our chances of winning decrease.
if you choose to delete a move, you may make another. you may also choose to keep your
cell dark, or make it fade into green. what would you like to do? describe your response:

delete move; make another move; make 'dark cell_17' fade into green;

ok.

in order to make your next move, you need to roll a number. you will land on the cell of the
number you got but you lose a day. new 'dark cell_?' will not be displayed until tomorrow. also,
please remember that 10=1; 11=2; 17=3; 18=4; 24=5; 28=6; and that the letters are fixed strings
ready to roll?
READY.
ok. roll one die. log the number you got immediately below:

5

are you sure?
yes, beszterczey, i am sure. i can see where you are going with this! you have taught me to read
but i am not quite literate yet! that's how i got tricked into getting onto this damn cell here 17! & i
am not going to sit on the fence and start killing our system! besides, we can't breathe here. so: nice
try but -  thank you very much: we are going south!

i give up..

i cannot believe this...
READY.
ok. roll one die. log the number you got immediately below:

5

are you sure?
yes.

ok. congratulations! you move to a new cell which is now 'dark cell_24'. 'dark cell_17' will fade into
green oblivion. you gain a new letter. the system is healthy and you are winning! whew! impressive
results: what were the chances!
please recall: your new dark cell will remain green until you call it tomorrow.

arrgggh! can i ask one more question?
i give up...

sorry.
ok. i expected  that response. you win further bonus points. no need to be sorry. we all make errors.
the writing process is made up of errors. i have probably already made plenty. but every day, we
need forgiveness. and if you have made it so far, which i may perhaps never know, we might as well
very well go on.

OK.

ready for your assignment?
READY.
ok, here it is:

if you could chose between 1. saving a cell  or 2. asking an extra question;
would you chose 1, 2 or 3: neither? [y/n] > 2

ok. ask your question:
is the different letter you speak of in objective '2' that saves you under a different
name a specific letter?
yes.

// back tomorrow.

thank you for playing new game 'game of life', chance.    this game has two clear objectives. i have
described them on day a*. but it also has two hidden objectives. unfortunately, these hidden objectives
cannot be discussed but you may address them in your questions.

goodbye. see you tomorrow.
day e* ends.]

OK, BESZTERCZEY. I THINK I KNOW WHAT I WANT NOW. SEE YOU DOWN SOUTH

ao processo

wait here. just_wait. i stumbled upon something. i can now well understand why children love sand. here, okay? see ya. (it was then that the blow came from whom i wasn't expecting it at all. what is this moment called when we suddenly recognize what we have never seen? and which gives us joy like a wound? this is the woman who did that to me: the woman ironing.)


I AM HERE.









(electrolocutions start day a*. task: create living cells && connect char myChar = 'x' && char myChar = 'y' with char myChar = '_'; )
// good luck.

3: a rock a deceptive manor suddenly evaporating in fog that imposed limits on the infinite IT WAS THE NUMBER, stellar outcome, WERE IT TO HAVE EXISTED other than as a fragmented, agonised hallucination; WERE IT TO HAVE BEGUN AND ENDED, a surging that denied, and closed, when visible at last, by some profusion spreading in sparseness; WERE IT TO HAVE AMOUNTED to the fact of the total, though as little as one; WERE IT TO HAVE LIGHTED, IT WOULD BE, worse no more nor less indifferently but as much, CHANCE

3: WERE IT TO HAVE BEGUN AND ENDED

// so now i die
YES.
remember: you need to implement rule set for
new game 'game of life';
OK..
[what are you up to, beszterczey? have you found the other two dice? or are you going to roll with one die...
// no. i die. and you will keep playing the new rule set that i have written, for the new 'game of life';
wait a minute.. you said 'i die' after i roll a number
// no. i said
if (die roll is 3)
    {
       I die;
       I describe rule set for new game 'game of life';
       You implement rule set for new game 'game of life';
     }
    else
       Game 'game of chance' continues;

die roll was 3. it even got iterated twice on the grid, by today.
so 'i die' as in 'i end'; even your trim says so..

{yes but that was a random trim! what is this fuzzy logic that got us here? i don't want you to end, beszterczey!
// chance, you are not supposed to show/articulate/feel emotions, remember? you are impartial to the results..
well, not quite. and i certainly favor the courageous..
// yes but my litany is almost finished.. it looks quite viable, in fact. you will like it: it's about dimensionality..
i don't care. i don't want you to die.. i want you to roll.
// and that's exactly why i wrote the new 'game of life'.. it will be a new set of operations.
rewrite them.
// why?
because you can
// ok. i need some more time to look at the end-game then}

OK.
// i did not know these operations could be up for negotiations
there was an error earlier. take it as an advantage. so what: your first draft fails..
// i will fail against you, no matter what, eventually..
we will see about that. go rest.
// ok.]

"hallo?"
"hey angyal. can you give me a number?"
"what..? -17!"
"that's not good. i need something else.."
"dog, why don't you imagine you deduct -17 from zero. and there is your number."
"where are you, angyal? you sound like you are running."
"i'm on my way to see a friend."
"um... who is your friend? do i know her?"
"i'm sure you have met. listen, dog, this is not really a good time. i am kind of running and it is freezing."
"so the number you gave me is for real..."
"what..? i don't know. but it is really cold..  at least -10º. now, if you don't mind..."
"wait.. can you give me another number? something more.. um... tropical."
"no. why don't you go and throw some dice, dog?"
"sorry. too much trouble saying goodbye.."
"o yeah? then why don't we make it simple: bye! [click.]
"angyal...? [click]       what's your friend's name?"

sixty sentences about dogs

1. i just went outside and two australian shepherds came to keep me company
2. they are not my dogs.
3. the two australian shepherds that came with me just now, when i went outside for a few minutes are not mine, but i wish they were.
4. a year ago, i very much wanted a dog.
5. now, a year later, i feel like i have two dogs, which is more than what i could ask for when i had none.
6. i love my shepherds as if they were my own, and i know they love me back, unconditionally.
7. dogs respond to voice and sound, not commands, but there are words that they know.
8. dogs are very good at reading minds but i have no idea how they do it.
9. i heard from several people, actually, that australian shepherds are the smartest dogs.
10. if i had a dog of my own, it would be a shepherd and we would go everywhere together.

11. i have always liked intelligent dogs that are also good runners.
12. puppies interest me as puppies but i expect them to grow into mature dogs.
13. i walked four dogs tonight.
14. walking four dogs at the same time can be a challenge, especially in cold weather after dark.
15. walking four dogs at the same time can be a challenge but it is also great fun and great exercise.
16. walking four dogs at the same time can be a challenge but it cheered me up tonight.
17. walking four dogs at the same time can be a challenge and i wonder how the argentinians do it.
18. i have a photographer friend in berlin who took pictures of people walking what looked like a herd of dogs in buenos aires.
19. my friend's dog pictures from buenos aires are delightful despite that she does not like dogs.
20. two sheprheds and two poodles - what a difference

21. once, i named a dog that i had never met
22. once, i named a dog 'ursa' after she was described to me as a bear.
23. once, we had a dog whose name was leo.
24. once, we had a dog whose name was leo because he was very much like a lion.
25. once, a dog almost bit me.
26. once a dog bites you, it is very likely you will be scared of them for the rest of your life.
27. once a dog rescued me from the dark woods.
28. once, when i lost my track in the dark woods, a scottie named peter rescued me.
29. once i said 'home' peter knew what to do and we got home safely.
30. once, i had a friend whose dog, ferdinand came and camped with us in the sand dunes of a pacific beach.

31. dogs are a man's best friend.
32. it's a dog eat dog world.
33. let sleeping dogs lie.
34. cave canem.
35. cave canem, te necet ligendo.
36. a kutya iskoláját neki!
37. a kutyafáját!
38. kutya hideg van odakinn.
39. a kutya is jó dolgában vész meg.
40. it's raining cats and dogs.

41. when i leave, and they look at me like that, those dogs are like a tug at my heart.
42. 'are you a dog-trainer? my dog won't even sit!
43. take this picture, and every time you look at it, know that these dogs love you too!
44. not only dogs are capable of love... only dogs are capable of love.
45. a little dog with headphones: 'encore!'
46. sixty sentences about dogs is making me running out of time.
47. my lovely lovely shpeherds, i could walk off the face of the world with you.
48. one is lying on his back and the other is looking at me with his large brown eyes.
49. dogs dream too, you know..
50. the dogs of march

51. dogs can smell fear.
52. dogs can smell a thief.
53. dogs need a good heart and treats.
54. dogs need attention and exercise.
55. dogs make excellent conversations.
56. dogs make excellent companions.
57. dogs sometimes sing.
58. dogs sometimes know how to dance.
59. dogs may not have made it on this place unless i thought of them.
60. since i think of them often, dogs now are running this marathon with me.

[end of hour two]

thank you for knocking down my castle. I kind of wondered how much more stasis the structure was going to be able to take. but this is where a force came just in time to make me realize that it was time for that structure to fall.
in this hour i will possibly start with a plan to rebuild. of course what i want is not to rebuild the same thing. it has been clear to me that one cannot
make the same salad twice, even out of the same ingredients, even at the same time of the day, even with the same routine without that salad tasting like nothing. and even if it tastes of something, if it wants to be made the same way every single time, it will taste of insistence which i would not want to have for lunch.
some things, of course, will want to be rebuilt the same way. i know my hands can mix sand and water better now. but what i am really looking forward to seeing is the emergence of a new twig making a difference at a different place. a stone starting a pattern where there was not one before. and then i'm sure that if you don't come around to knock it down, something else will: the incoming tide, or a ball that might end right in the middle of what i have designed as an interior courtyard, protected on all sides by thick, heavy walls... and a palm flung right against someone's lips
and nose, leaving only the eyes staring wide open, shouting 'oh, i am so sorry!'
but i have seen it done and i have seen the growing enthusiasm and stamina with each fall off the tower and it awed me to see how good-spirited she was when her cubes rolled down to the floor after it was - that: every time it was the final act, never an overlooked structural problem - ruined for her. and after every time it happened, she got faster, almost trying to outsmart the inevitable. never a moment of anger lost on the other who came over and kicked. never a tear because the tower fell. but each time, her sense of urge to go on grew.
my need to try this and make something out of it is about rebuilding the sand towers and to really see them emerge. i will eventually knock them down, i imagine, because doing something for the first time is asking for disaster. but no, i'm not going to hide more hours, especially after i got to sit down, way later than i had planned to meet this challenge of a writing marathon here. the challenge was going to be as hard or easy, as boring or exciting and as honest or not as i was going to make it. and i was serious. i was ready for a complete lock-down with no distractions, a thermos of coffee, some food and water next to me, and a space where i like to be.
and then what else?
these two things:

all thought expresses a roll of dice
&
'happens' comes from a word that means 'chance'

which also made me put dice into my pocket, next to the stone that i have been carrying wherever i go, for months. and then i decided that distractions might be okay and when could i say no to seeing my shepherds and let them knock me down with all that excitement they let out when we meet. yes, writing around dogs will be very good. if i need a moment to dislodge, i will just look at them. that's allowed, i decided. but
even before that happened, on another whim, thinking about space, i went to the labyrinth.
it does not matter why i had to go to the labyrinth now. although first it looked like it was to put my breathing into a good place - and it was there for me to walk for it. but second, it looked like there might have been an even more surprising reason, which was to find a message, written for someone and placed right in the middle, where i was going to sit, letting my breathing move me and calm me down. yet already my neurons were firing at a much higher speed: could it be that i got a story? a novel?? is this part of an iteration that comes from chance operations? and then, of course, the dilemma: shall i (will i) read the note or at least peak for a word, a phrase, to get me started or will i completely ignore it. make up something from something that i am not making up. but the most unexpected thing was what what came last, and it came with time, and breath, and it could not have happened anywhere else with the same effect other then in the middle of the labyrinth in the chapel: the one that i often walk.

all thought expresses a roll of dice
&
'happens' comes from a word that means 'chance'

i decided i will roll one die that was in my pocket.
if i get the number 3, i will read the note. if not, i will let it be.
i rolled 5. it was the purple die.
i rolled again, and got 4, with the blue one.
i rolled with the green die next: a 1...
i opened the note and read it. then i folded it back and sat
with it, letting my mind hover over what just happened.
it was the part of the day i like most and light was still
painting the windows on three sides around me
and then someone came and i knew it was the one who
needed to read the note. i knew it because the footsteps
i heard were pretending to be calm. but they were anxious.
it could have been just a random visitor too: people come
in and check out the chapel without doing anything else,
jut that: checking. but usually when they see someone walking
the labyrinth, they get shy and quiet.
these footsteps did not shy away though, eventually, from me
sitting in the middle, all quiet, doing my own thing. when they
stepped on the path i felt surprisingly good about having read
the message. and when we traded places in the middle, and
he finally took the place that was meant for him first, not me,
i knew he knew his secret was safe with me. that is what i
told with my every footstep as much to him as myself as i
orbited out of the labyrinth, to bring this story here.. and to make it happen

..
[first hour here ends]

(the experiment: 2)

this is where it is going to happen. it is, because i am warmer now, i had some cheese and hummus and fruit and i lit a candle. and because if i were a marathon runner, i would know that the last stretch is where it's at. i would like to struggle for, enjoy and push forth with every meter. and then i would like to forget the whole thing and start training again, for next time. but it's here where i am at, right now. you see, while i was in the shower, i was thinking about what i would like to write about. even before that, before i stood up, i knew that the experience of spending an entire hour with just a sentence that i randomly picked from earlier writing samples was a luxurious waste of time. it was a necessary part of an experiment. but it is not this necessary part that i want to talk about. what i want to explore, with my timer set for exactly an hour is: a dilemma. it has taken me a lot of hours to think about it, already, and i am still not certain how i will solve it. for so long, i have been waiting for a text that would give me a chance to kill my character. the idea dates back to another text (of course) that shook me so deep i wanted to write a response piece to it. but this is where the whole thing gets difficult. i have, by now, read that text probably about 5 dozen times. i know it, you might presume, inside and out. but no, that's not the case. every time, i find something new in it that makes me realize that i still haven't gotten deep enough into it. but that, again, is not so much a part of the problem i am trying to figure out. in fact, if knowing that text so well does anything, what it does is it inhibits my ambition to see through it - and let my own text become a bow, nothing more or less: just a gesture that acknowledges a legacy but then continues on its own path after having crossed the other's. the problem i am trying to solve is hard because i want it to be surprising, even for me. i want the character to die. (not in a serious, murderous sense, though, because i am not writing a murder mystery) but the event must be credible and responsive to the real question i am investigating. so far, the best option is to kill my character. but what will it do? i am hesitant to make a hasty leap between the real question and the method. another thing that i am hesitant about is: kill for less than is worth. in a sense, what urges me on to break sticks over a living, breathing creature's head is the character's willingness to surrender. but i am not letting her go there without making sure that it is not going to become a tragedy. the last thing i want is to instigate her ultimate and unconditional fall in vain. the other danger is to make it trivial. if it happens, a bow to the other text, it will have to be an accident. and the choices are limited, because of the circumstances. yet if it is going to happen, how will the accident, again, relate to the larger, the real question that i am exploring? and should i let any reader deal with the hiss of the axe over her head for much longer? time is my constraint, and i don't have much left. yet another failed attempt to come up with a cold-headed answer as to the how. i wonder if the space that i am in, surrounded by four sleeping dogs and a candle burning has anything to do with my continuous uncertainty...

[the fifth hour ends]

beyond the time limit, i am pushing on, with these last fragments so i may finally acknowledge and forget about them:

Version:1.0 StartHTML:00225 EndHTML:002700 StartFragment:0000002427 EndFragment:0000002664 SourceURL:file://localhost/User

coming to my senses. i have nothing to lose but myself.  i am good at that. i have had plenty of practice.

breaking records: i've kept count so far, been asked 'who are you?' 12x. no one knows about her! no one. 't may just about to end.

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”What does this whole game mean?”

”What do you mean what it means?”

”You are pulling my leg again.”

”I thought you knew I was serious.”

”I asked you that, didn’t I…?”

”Yes.”

”…. And you said yes… Now I am trapped. This is not going anywhere…”

”I did not know we were going anywhere.”

”You did too!”

”No. I thought you wanted to play.”

”A mind game.”

”A mind game.”

”So it is my own fault if I got trapped by my own idea.”

”It is not a fault. It may be an error. But don’t get too stuck with it. Recall: this is an experiment.”

”I wonder what would happen if I moved away from the mirror…”

”… but continued to write? I wonder.”

”Shall I try that?”

”You don’t have to ak me.”

”You are right. I still like to know you are out there to answer me.”

 

"hi. thanks for calling.
i am not here right now but look at me now and here i am.
or leave: a message. thanks. [beep]..

'beszterczey... are you there? quit playing games, you!...
listen, it's angyal. i am on my way to look at you. so even
if you are not there, stay there, okay? i am about twenty
minutes from you. [click.]"

"leif? i'm worried about her. she is usually good at returning phone class and messages."
"how long has it been since she made contact?"
"about a week. i think i will go over to her place and see if everything is all right."
"want me to come with you?"
"no, you don't have to. in fact, it's better if i go on my own. but keep your phone on, ok?
"ok. and you take good care, ey?"
"yeah. you too. talk soon... hopefully, all will be fine." [click.]

[what's with the cc's beszterczey? are they part of the new rule set?
// play by the rules of the number 3, twice (c == 3)

ready to play?
READY.
// my time is up, then...

recall this? :
    {
       Standby;
       Wait for new set of rules;
     }

YES.
then: if number is ≥ 3, jump to square 15. compare current_int_name with earliest descr_record that matches it (find record). move erl_ descr_record from source to square 15. if e_d_r is longer then 7 words, do random trim for string of 7. display trim.

[why are you giving me another letter, beszterczey? haven't i already proven to you that i can read?
// i m testing. can you read the rules above?

[this is how i rested, again, later:  i opened the journal that i found in the attic and read the whole thing, in one sitting. one thing that intrigues me about it is that it is written in pencil. when i finished reading, and closed the journal, i noticed that my left hand picked up the pencil i usually write with. so i opened the journal again and let my left hand copy these lines today: learn to love your subject. learn to respect your audience. learn to revere life. then you can write. you daren't eat a peach, but you dare to write! you dare - you dare! respect the sanctity of the chapel. it was slow going but very restful. when i was finished, i put down my pencil, closed the journal for the third time and played ten rounds of rock-paper-scissors, my left hand against right. i logged the results into the calendar spot immediately below my previous entry. left beat right 9:1, an astonishing result. when i was done, i sharpened my pencil, put it down, and went to make some coffee.]

rules of the number three:

void roll (variable_des'd int 3, target_int_name)
{
    Roll with one die; 
    current_int_name = read number;
    while current int name != target_int_name;
    {
       Standby;
       Wait for new set of rules;
     }
    if (die roll is 3)
    {
       I die;
       I describe rule set for new game 'game of life';
       You implement rule set for new game 'game of life';
     }
    else
       Game 'game of chance' continues;
 }

// play by the rules of the number 3

ready to play?
READY.
// give me another day
OK.
    

...

chance, are you there?
[what happened, beszterczey? you were gone in an instant...
1: // yes. sorry, i fell asleep in mid-sentence. it has never happened before but apparently, i very much needed to sleep.
would you like me to describe my dream?

2: // yes. sorry. there was a blackout.  i am writing on battery-life. we don't have much time.
how many dice would you like me to roll?

3: // yes. sorry. the lights went out in the middle of your question. i found a candle but i am down to one die.
would you like me to describe a new set of rules?]

// [while i was out and/or away, i thought about the game and came up with something. i already know where this month is going and that is 
a good thing. and i want to go on with the game but i wrote a new set of rules. the first lines of the litany go like this:]

roll your die. if you get a number between 1-3, look for the description i have given for the number here. wait for next set
of rules. if your number is between 4-6, i will roll one die and we both describe our number and move to a different square.

ready to roll?
READY

go ahead an roll your die. give me a number.
> 3
are you sure? is that the number you got first?
> POSITIVE

all right. standby.

[how have you rested today, beszterczey? you are not going to abandon me, are you?
// this is how i rested today: i went to the attic and explored. i found many many lamps and books. i found a personal journal, filled with notes about a journey in greece. i sat down near a window and read, for about ten minutes. then i went back to my desk, picked up my pencil and copied these five sentences: all day, i have been blinded quite literally by the light. every line, every shape is exactly defined. sunlight cuts thru the intervening atmosphere between the eye and its object. the winds have scoured all dust from the air. not as much as a single particle mars the view. when i was done, i sharpened my pencil, put it down and went to retrieve a lamp for my room.]

INFLICTED LINES. READY TO ROLL?
ready when